The Question That Cuts: “Why Don’t You Have Another Child?”

There are questions that land on your heart like a heavy stone. They come casually, almost thoughtlessly, but they linger long after the conversation has ended. Recently, I was reminded of one of those questions:“Why don’t you have another child?”

At first glance, it seems innocent. However, behind it lies a sting that many parents, and even couples without children, know all too well.

Parents of one child hear it often. “They must be so lonely.” “They’ll never learn to share.”“They’ll never be ‘normal’.” “They are bored”

Do you know what those words do? They cut. They feed the quiet guilt many of us already carry. They whisper doubts into our hearts that perhaps we are failing our child, or that our family is incomplete. What those words don’t consider are the circumstances behind our decisions, our struggles, or even our dreams.

Some families are “one and done” by choice. Others carry reasons that are invisible … medical, emotional, financial, or deeply personal. Then there are couples who don’t have children at all, who face the constant prodding of “When are you finally going to have children?” As if their worth, or their love, is measured only by parenthood.

On the other side of the spectrum, parents of large families don’t escape the commentary either. “Is that all you do, make children?” “Are you starting your own community?”The judgment never ends, no matter what path you take.

Here is the truth that often gets forgotten: Whether you have 0 children, 1 child, or 6 children, it is nobody else’s business. Families are not a public competition to be measured, mocked, or questioned. Every journey looks different, and every choice or circumstance deserves respect.

We need to end the stigma. We need to stop making assumptions. Above all, we need to remember that the words we speak can either heal or wound. So next time, instead of asking “Why don’t you…?”, maybe just offer kindness, or simply celebrate the family that is already in front of you.

Because no matter the size, every family is whole.

With love and hope,

Dominique V.